Monday, March 12, 2012


Without passion we do not try,
without passion we just get by,
bills to pay, a job to keep,
miles to go before we sleep,
Shelter and our daily bread,
survival is the how we're led,
until we find our dream to dream,
how dull and ordinary life can seem,
My dreams are small and easily won,
to find some joy and have some fun,
Yet new dreams do find me still,
dreams that dare and dreams that thrill,
I dream of singing to a crowd,
singing loud and standing proud,
of making money by bringing joy,
of someday finding the right boy,
not a boy, I want a good man,
to take my heart by the hand,
Someday run a pretty inn by the sea,
that's a big enough dream for me.
My passions are simple love and peace,
in my strength to ever increase,
with new challenges to climb each day,
and finally to find my way,
through this world which is so large,
I'm ready now to take charge.

Alone in a crowd

Alone in a crowd
I feel my pain
smile and laugh
and try yet again
catch the joy
that floats on by
hard to catch
the harder you try
wink and grin
chuckle and joke
laughter will stay
as on it you choke

Dream on

Dream on
your little dream
will come to bear
what you want it to
Keep your faith
and don't you falter
it can keep you
still you
your heart
will take no more
all you know is what you're sure
of light and dark
dreams and waking
things tend to cloud
before your eyes
the truth plays
seek and hide
until you find
what lies hidden
inside your mind
deep under pride
and shame it stays
until under the weight
it begins to decay
your heart will break
and shatter on the floor
like so much broken glass
life is harsh and wants
to take back

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


Hard harsh cruel,
Fate the Fool,
Leads me on a merry chase,
Think you have it,
then you lose it,
some memories you can never erase.

I struggle on,
from night til dawn,
chasing my wayward dreams,
Barely scraping by,
and then I cry,
nothing is as it seems.

My eyes shut tight,
til morning light,
cause I don't want to see,
the pain in my eyes,
is no surprise,
Not to me, not to me.

My tears run red,
for they keep being shed,
for a world that doesn't care,
My throat is raw,
from trying to call,
out for some repair.

I'm lost and alone,
no place to call home,
just where I keep my bed,
If I keep moving on,
singing this song,
I may just end up dead.

Why me

"Why me?"you cry shaking your fist at the wind.
Do I deserve this?
What did I do to earn such punishment?
Resentment burns red boiling the bile in your stomach.
Why now?
This timing is the worst.
The wind softens.
You have strength.
You will push onward and upward.
Primal scream.
Dizzy with desire to tear.
And punch and rip and shred.
Blood spilled scarlet from my veins
sizzling on the black asphalt.

What is this?

What it this?
What is this feeling?
It burns.
It hurts.
It tears.
Then it soothes it all better.

Looking for love

Why do we all look for love?
Why do we crave it like chocolate?
Maybe it's just an escape from the horrors in the newspaper each day.
The sun rises and sets no matter what we do.
Out we go into the world, looking for the secrets of life.
Does everyone seek the answers?


Whenever I think of dying,
whenever I give up trying,
There you are.
There you are.

Whenever I'm losing hope,
whenever I can not cope,
There you are.
There you are.

You have such faith in me,
we have such chemistry,
My heart is beating just for you,
I'm wishing and hoping my dreams can come true,
There you are.
There you are.


Down deep dark,
dark down deep,
deep down dark,
dark deep down.


Maybe you can tell me the answers,
you act like you know them all.
Tell me why the poor die of hunger,
while the rich are at the mall.
Was there ever equality?
Will there ever be?
Why are my eyes open,
while others can not see?

This is the way, this is the way,
truth and freedom on this glorious day!
This is the way, come follow me,
I'll show you the truth. I'll set you free.

The answer is plain and clear to see,
Find your heart and set it free.
You don't have to be like everyone else.
Why would you want to be?
If you can just be yourself,
that's how great you can be.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

This is me

Just when you think you've got yourself figured out,
Your voice raises from a whisper to a shout,
Saying THIS IS ME!
This is who I'll be!
For the rest of my days,
 I'll learn more and grow more,
in thousands of ways,

You won't stop learning after school,
your temper is burning, keep it cool,
Life will hand you more surprises,
People who'll change you in all colors and sizes,
Some are cruel and some are kind,
Just make sure you keep an open mind.

Running Away

I love you so I need to run away,
I might return again some other day,
I'll miss you so I need to run so very far,
By the time I stop driving I'll need a new car,
But I gotta go I gotta run away,
I gotta split cause I heard you say,

I love her still, she was the one,
She was my moon, she was my sun,
even though it's over, my pain has just begun,
She was my moon, she was my sun,

Those words you said break me down, I could not compete,
with her even after she left your heart trampled at your feet,
She had your child, your baby girl,
Her eyes so big and her little blonde curls,

The first time I saw you with the baby in your arms,
she stole my heart with her innocent charm,
I'll miss her too along my way,
But I have to run since I heard you say,

I love her still, she was the one,
She was my moon, she was my sun,
even though it's over, my pain has just begun,
She was my moon, she was my sun,

So I'm leaving this town and leaving you,
because I cannot see
 you in misery,
I need a true love and I think it's you,
But you need time to grow
and time to know,
and time to see it through,

I'll drop you a line when I get to
 wherever I'm gonna land,
I need to be away from you,
I need to make a stand.

If you come to realize that I am what you need,
Send me a letter that has in it a seed,
A small seed to let me know,
that with me you want to grow,
A love so new, a love so true,
Like nothing that you know,
I need you to know me,
I need you to show me,

I love you. You're the one.
I am your moon, You are my sun
My pain is over, our life has begun.
You are my moon, I am your sun.

More questions

Can you tell me why,
why the good must die,
why do liars lie,
why the innocent cry,
maybe I'm not old enough to understand just yet
I still have places left to go and people I haven't met,
But still I ask these questions searching for one true thing,
In a world full of darkness, the birds still will sing,
People still have hope and they hold it close
waiting for the day to let it shine,
Some will lose and some will win and some will even cheat,
Until the day they meet

Tell me

Tell me why the sky is blue.
Tell me why I loved you.
Tell me why you were so shy.
Tell me if I really tried,
to be the one you needed,
and if I treated you oh so bad.
Tell me why you left me,
Tell me why I'm sad,
Tell me why I miss you,
Tell me if it can be the same,
Tell me if you hate me,
Tell me if I should take the blame.

Looking at him

I can't take my eyes off yours,
warm brown chocolate seeps into my skin,
rattles my brain, shakes my nerves, changes all within,
tousled hair and a warm smile greets me every day,
makes me forget what I was doing, I don't know what to say,
I can talk to you about anything but I can't ask you this,
will you love me heart and soul? Give me just one kiss.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Vivian and George

Vivian, she was a stubborn gal who always got her way,
She took the time everyday to be down on her knees and pray.
She called on every birthday, Five children she taught well.
The devil would too scared of her to let her go to hell.

George, he was a patient man with a peaceful way,
He talked a little slow because he'd think before he'd say,
He had an eye for a good deal and saved up all he bought,
His five children and his wife never lacked for aught.

He was a soldier and she was a clerk working for Ma Bell,
The day that they met the Finnish man for her charms, he fell,
George and Vivian stayed in love in sickness and in health,
The couple with the five children loved to share their wealth,

They trusted God above all things, that was very clear,
They felt the love of up above and always held it dear.
When George grew old his mind would no longer hold a thing,
But in church on sundays, you'd still hear him sing.

When their bodies failed them after all and weaker grew his heart,
they stayed together in the nursing home rather than be apart
They lived and loved together every day for over sixty years,
Hand in hand they went to God with all their hopes and fears.

Vivian was first to go on a chill October day,
George without his Vivian began to waste away,
He lasted a season without his dear wife,
three months later he too left this life.

(In  honor of George and Vivian beloved parents, grandparents, and great grandparents)

Ode to Helen

She's already told what song she wants me to play.
How can I make my mouth obey on that fateful day?
She's told the family she loves us all.
How can I sit back and watch her fall?

She knows that there's a heaven and where she's going to.
She looked me in the eye and said I will miss you.
I know she'll be at peace, I know I need to pray,
But I keep thinking about that fateful day.

She already told me not to cry on that day,
but she'll never see my children play.
She took me for me every day of my life.
She laughed in my joys and cried at my strife.

I know I need to let her go but my heart won't understand,
Things like this are a test on how to break a man.

(In honor of my dear grandmother Helen written one week before she passed)


Everyone has questions.
Where do the answers lie?
Some say down below,
others claim up high.
Who am I? What should I do?
Where are the answers? Tell me true.
I wonder if God truly dwells above,
how so many people don't know how to love,
When will it be my time to shine?
The time to dazzle them all?
Does my fate lie behind a desk
or in a concert hall?
Why is there hate and jealousy polluting my whole life?
Is there meant to be peace on earth?
I see only strife.
Tell me why
Why the good must die
Why do liars lie
Why the children cry
Am I too young to understand?
I'm giving all I can.
Can I change the way
I live my life each day?
If I try, will I, fly away
Am I more than the roles I play?
It's more than work that earns your pay
Do I care what other's say?


If love lifts me up will it let me fall?
If hate makes me short will love make me stand tall?
Love can make me feel brand new,
like I've not been used.
The bitterness shall fall away,
when in my lover's arms I stay.

Story Fragment - Untitled

Shadows dancing, flitting through patches of dappling light turning the bright green of the grass to emerald velvet, the bluebells to a dusky purple

For some reason the smells at twilight are increased
The heavy sweetness of the honeysuckle and lavender fill the air

I lay awake sprawled on a patch of clover and wild mint.
I pluck a sprig to freshen my breath as I awaited my lover's arrival.
Any minute she would be traversing the gray step stone path to the bridge and this grove beyond. Her long skirts brushing the grass and skimming across the tops of her bare feet.

I heard a trill of a whistle and I smiled. I whistled three notes back and sat up to watch her approach.

I saw her walking to me with a grin on her face and a large wicker basket on her arm. Over her shoulder was a green blanket.

"My Katya! You made us lunch?" I said as I took the blanket from her and spread it on the ground.

She laughed."No need to sound shocked. I just decided to get the basics.' A jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thee.' "

She bent to kiss me lightly before settling on the blanket.

"Plus a few pears and some cheese" She laughed."But that didn't fit with the poem."

She started pulling out the food and arranging it in the middle of the blanket. She tucked a strand of her long dark hair behind her ear. It flowed down her back like a waterfall of silk. I simply drank her in. Her easy grace and her open smile undid me.

"Katya, you take my breath away without even trying." I said to her reaching out to touch her face.

Her full lips curved in a wicked smile. "You just love me because I have food."

I gathered her into my arms and nestled my cheek against hers.

"Well, I'll admit it's a perk." I said.

I kissed her as she laughed and felt her soft lips on mine. The kiss grew deeper as I tried to show her with just a kiss what she meant to me. She lightly nipped at my lower lip as she pulled away.

"Food. We can deal with our other hunger later."

Alone in my head

Detached from reality
floating in a mist of confusion
a tumultuous enigmatic shadow


Not feeling comfortable in my own skin.

Shining silver speck of hope
The hope that springs eternal

One day someone will know
one day someone will understand
one day I will feel loved 

Sunset at Fort Griswold

The faint musty pink of the sun setting.
As if the day was hanging in a closet and needed to air out.
The water laps at the concrete docks,
and the wind massages my back with cold fingers.
In the distance I see a steeple.
Boats lining the sullied waterway,
planes shining their lights above.
The whir of engines dying off in the distance.
The water gleams purple and pink reflecting the sunset.
The clouds thicken. A storm is approaching.
The dry haylike grass lies trampled at my feet with only slight glimpses of green,
beckoning spring to hurry.

The moatish barrier always seems tinged red as if remembering,
the blood that was spilt for God and country.
When God was a part of this country.


Who could accept me for the miserable person I am?
Who can forgive me for not being perfect?
I can't forgive myself.
I need to be looked at as nice.
I need to be seen as compassionate.
People shouldn't see the chaos.
Built in safety net.
Don't say too much.
Don't get too deep.
Don't, for god's sake, be yourself.
Put on your happy face.
Smile and it'll all go away.
Don't think about yourself,
because that's just selfish.


Why are people so scared to be insecure?
They stay in their shell and pretend life as it is is fine.
Normality is a jail, imprisoning those not strong enough to take a stand.
It is easier to be lazy than to change.
Change is terrifying, change hurts.
But without experiencing growing pains who can truly live and be.
I'm a malcontent.
I can't be satiated with my life as is.
I need love.
I need pain.
I need understanding.
We all search for the one who will know us truly.
Where is that mythical someone?
Where is that one special person?
Hey, gorgeous, where you been all my life?
Everyone is preconditioned to accept people in a certain way.
The safe way.
I can't get too involved or I'll get hurt.

White Light

Snowflakes falling gently dissolving on black cement,
frost covered windows seem to show views of different worlds,
The pillowy blanket of snow enfolding the earth in it's frigid embrace,
one can almost seem to be dancing in the clouds on such a day,
light filters through the gray clouds and blinds from it's reflection,

White the color so pure is all colors mixed in one.
Therefore white is impure, imperfect.
White throws all light back at you.
White is resistant to change.
Black welcomes the light and invites it inside,
Black lets the light warm it entirely.
Black absorbs all, soaks it in.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Eyes are dry and burning bright,
the clock is ticking through the night,
Mind is running on and on,
thought flying swifter than a twirling baton,
Seconds, minutes, hours pass by,
I cannot sleep no matter how I try,
Eyes are shut, muscles relaxed,
but alack my imagination is maxed.
What if... I should.... I need....
Who is..... I would indeed....
Rhapsodies of images float around me, (written in 2000)
haunting me through another hour,
I hear the birds begin in stir in their leafy wooden bower,
I try to read myself to rest but read my eyes can not,
My vision blurs and swerves seeing things that are not plot.
I punch the pillow, grind my teeth, and then I start to cry,
for the days I'd go to sleep with just a lullaby.
(completed tonight)


Shadows dancing in the halls,
sounds that echo in the walls,
old familiar ghosts are here,
odd moanings of fright and fear,
Shivers run up my spine,
I'm wishing for a light to shine,
and chase these ghouls back into dust,
all my faith in God I trust,

Give me peace and send the light,
put these demons here to flight,
For I trust in thy glory,
and I know the end of the story,

Light conquers night,
hope destroys fright,
All is within God's holy sight.

Chaos and Illusion

Chaos is king, illusion is queen,
harsh reality shall not be seen,
airbrushed memories paint over gray,
things distorted in night stand clear in the day,
Twilight masks a thousand sins,
light and shadow lie within,
hatred and violence erupt in the dark,
but let my point not miss it's mark,
All is masked, none are true,
Am I seeing the real truth in you?


Feather soft feelings within me
warming my soul with exquisite care,
engulfing me in enfolding arms,
Do you this feeling share?
(Written 1/18/2000)

Dream of Life

Dream of life,
dream of love,
fantasize of life above,
this lowly earth on which we creep,
hoping the brightness above will seep,
into our lives and into our minds,
being divided from this life unkind.
(written 1/18/2000)

Winter Death

Dead body floating in the icy water
frozen with frosty winter's touch
One defeated by nature who can take as she will

Mother goddess put death's grievous hand at rest.
Silence the tears from my heart,
the blood from my eyes,
the ache from my gut.

Restore me to peace, prosperity and pacifism.
Teach me not to rage at human plight
but focus on the good and light.
(written 1/17/2000)

Lost in Time

Time passes on it's way,
quickly changing day by day,
A newborn child only hours old
will move on to the graven cold.
The happy child still at play,
will pass on to the grave one day.

Time marches on trampling frivolity under it's feet,
Until the day we two shall meet.

Days, minutes, seconds, hours,
holding us within it's powers.

Yet we go slow resisting change,
until at last we will exchange,
words so sweet the bees take notice,
opening like petals of a lotus.
Flowers scenting our every thought,
Now is not the time for aught,
but spending glorious time with you,
feeling my heart beat every note true.

Loving you, feeling you, tasting your mouth,
and following you ever further south.
This passionate longings engulf me so,
I find it hard to think I must go.

On with my life, on with my strife,
It plunges into my heart like a knife.
Yet hurts me more than a blade could ever,
just fearing that our bond could sever,
and split us apart in our seperate lives,
one bud perishing while the other bud thrives,
on sweet low water from another heart.
Oh the taste of regret so bitter and tart.

Wondering what else could have been said,
to keep you with me warm in my bed.

Yet the clock still ticks and with each chime,
you'll soon be lost in the memories of time.
(Written 1/16/2000)

To My Love

Just how long is everlasting?
Just how deep is the briny sea?
Answers to these I do not know,
But longer and deeper is my love for thee.

I'll love you until eternity seems like a moment in time,
I'll love you far after the poets can no longer find words that rhyme.
I'll love you until man is just a myth,
When long gone are our kin and kith.

Still onwards my love will go,
whiter than light and purer than snow.
Death will not part me and thee,
after eternity we'll still be.

I'll love you until I know no more,
Our love will with the angels soar,
This is the pact betwixt you and me,
We'll love past eternity.

(Written 4/24/94)

Friday, March 2, 2012


The sun is a star. It always surprises me when I remember that.
When I think of the stars, I think of lights far away and twinkling.
Yet we see our star everyday.
Today when I wish upon a star, I'll wish during the day.
Mayhap the sun being closer will be more likely to grant my heart's desire.


Sink into a comfy bed with soft sheets and feathery pillows,
let your mind float from your troubles and woes.
Just be at peace.
God cannot enter in when we are replete with self.
Peace, be still.
Listen for the answer.
It will come as a soft whisper or a shouting declamation.
Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door shall open unto you.
Patience little one.
The answer will come.

Why Kythanai ?

Kythanai is actually a combination of words I made up a long time ago.

 My real name is Kristen which is a derivation of Christian meaning Follower of Christ. The greek version of which is Cristanai. No, I'm not greek..My dad had a greek translated bible and it turned into a family nickname. My mom still calls me Cristanai on ocassion.

 Kythe is my favorite word. Yes, I have a favorite word. It's celtic and have the same root as kith. As in kith and kin. It means to have knowing of.

 So I put it together as Kythanai. Meaning to me, although not to scholars, The knowing follower or follower of the knowledge.

 I hope that made some kind of sense... if not don't worry about it.

I tend not to make sense.

Kindred Spirits

Times of joy, times of pain, times of joy, times of sorrow, times of love.

We've seen each other in every mood. We know each tone of voice and tilt of the head.
And what it means.

We've shared celebrations and funerals. Tears and laughter bind us together.

What will break these bonds? They were hammered by hope, fired in rage and tempered in tears.

Bugaboo Blue

This song was written about the big blue bug. If you live in CT, and you've driven on 95 far enough, you know of what I speak. It was co-written by Jessica (Bonanno) Hodge. Circa 1997

The big blue bug went to Bugaboo Creek,
The big blue bug with his big blue skis,
The big blue bug likes big blue cheese,
The big blue bug has human knees,
With his big blue hat and his big blue sweater,
The big blue bug couldn't look any better,

Bugaboo blue, Bugaboo blue,
Bugaboo, bugaboo, bugaboo blue.

The big blue bug has a big blue house,
The big blue bug has a cat and mouse,
The big blue mouse ate his big blue cheese,
Kicked the big blue bug in his human knees,
The big blue cat scratched up the big blue sweater,
The big blue mouse then ate all the cheddar

(Chorus repeat)

Then the big blue bug had nothing to lose,
But his big blue house and his blue suede shoes,
The big blue bug couldn't take any more,
He kicked the cat and mouse out his blue front door.

(Chorus repeat and end)

For those who wish to know the inspiration for this song, Search image New England Pest Control- Big Blue Bug.

Thank you!


(Older poem)

The mind worries and torments it's owner. Thoughts of what is wrong with life overcome thoughts of what is good and wholesome.


The meaning of words clang in my head like cymbals.
Wholesome. Whole.
To be whole. Complete. Nourished of soul and mind.
Some is not complete. Some means waiting for more.
Am I waiting for more? Any? Some?
To be made more whole then I am.
I am complete in myself.
Yet I want. So that suggests the opposite.
Unwhole. Wanting. Lacking. Incomplete.
Wholly myself.
Wholly. Holy.
Holy is complete and perfect. Without flaw.
Without want and need.
But I am wholly human.
We are made to need. And want and strive.
We are wholly dependent.
Is more complete than complete possible?
Whole does not mean unscarred.
I am chipped around the edges by this hard world.
But I am not broken.
I am whole. And I can be made more whole.

I Love You

Disclaimer: This is really old and I do not mean it at all. If I was saying this now for real, I would expect to be smacked.

I Love You

So beat me
insult me
abuse me
mistreat me
lie to me
lie about me
just remember to say
I love you too.


A bluebird sings happy songs.
A bright twiddle of sweet melody.
The blue of his feathers melts into the sky.
He flies through clouds
caressing them with his wings.
Wisps of cloud trail from the tips of his wings
before melting in the hot sun


Life can be beautiful but only to those
who want it and wish it to be
Life can be hard and tragic and difficult
for anyone who cares to see
Life can wound, and you may bleed
but it is something that should be seized.

What is the importance of a Poem?

Poems try to explain or describe what feeling are or tell a story.
I'm writing with a silver mechanical pencil.
I feel the pain in my hand from gripping the pencil too tightly for too long.
I see the words form on the page as I write them.
My mind and eyes seek put the imperfections of my writing and my body.
I can feel the bracelets sliding on my one wrist and the brace on the other.
I can feel the coolness of the air against my skin and hear the silence of my room.

Open Eyes

I've read too many romances,
too many fairy tales,
dreamed too many silly dreams of love at first sight.
Now my mind is clear, I see it as it is,
all is shown in truth's glaring light.
I'll miss the dream mist veil i wore while going through my days,
I liked my hopes filling my heart and fantasies in my head. They say these things should go away,
 when older days we live.
 It's better that way they say to see your real life thrive.
 But in these dark and dismal times i prefer the lies.
I can dream of what i want but shall never have.
I can keep someday in my heart.

I could love you

I could love you till the years go by and we are old and gray,
 i could look at you until my eyes went misty  and my sight had gone away.
 I could kiss your tears from your eyes and cry for you my own,
 i could tend your wounds and nurse your pains as soon as they were shown.
 I could hold you close your skin on mine until the day i die,
 i could listen to your bad jokes and laugh until i cry.

 Yes, i could love and understand you for the rest of my life,
 i could be your friend your lover, and yes, even be your wife.
 I could love you fierce as the ocean on a stormy night,
 i could love as soft as a sunbeam warming you with light.
I could try with you, lie with you and die with you  except for one small thing,
 you don't love me and that means everything.

 i can't give you my heart knowing you'll break it,
 can't give you my dreams knowing you won't take it
 I can't give you my hope knowing it will shatter when you say this is just fun
 i won't hand you myself on a silver platter knowing that i'm not your only one.

I could love you with everything i am and all that i could be,
 but i can't and i won't confess my love unless you first love me.
 I've loved before and lost before and know exactly how good it can be,
 to give your heart to the one you love and have that love returned
 I've been hurt and drained when that love went away and that lesson i have learned.
 I grew and i've changed into a woman that i'm proud to be,
 but still my heart yearns for that love that burns away the rest of me.

I could be the one to share your laughter your love, but i can't.
 I could be your angel your devil the girl you can't live without.
 I could write it or paint it or sing it, from the roof tops i could shout.
 But your eyes they don't shine for me
 your heart doesn't pine for me
 in this i have no doubt.

 So i won't let myself fall, won't let myself crawl into your waiting arms.
 I won't let you hurt me, destroy me, desert me and do me any harm.
 I'll keep my love, my joy, my pain
 for one for will cherish me and feel the same.

I could dream of a day that you come and say
 the words i want to hear.
 But that dream won't come true
 no not with you and i won't wait in fear.
 Someday i'll see him, i'll know when i meet him
 that day when my dreams come true.
 He'll take me for me and love who i can be and treasure me as his own.
 I'll give him all i'll let myself fall and be his and his alone.

 You'll go on with your life as you always have not daring to care.
 It's i who'll be found while you stay lost in yourself with noone to share.
 I hope i am wrong and you wake up and find out the great man you could be.
 I wish you could find peace and not be afraid to try.
 But i can't say these things to you without breaking me.
I could love you but you would make me cry.


watch tv ,
read a book,
cram in as much as you can.
 Fill your head with music and conversations and noise.
 Fill your days with work and everyday drama.
 Car repairs and debts to be paid and what he/she said.
 Don't stop to think.
Don't stop to feel.
 To know the emptiness in your heart.
 Don't let it win.

I Said Forever - Part One

I gave you my heart when I was young and foolish.
Your attention was elsewhere and you put my heart in your pocket to save for a rainy day.
I yearned, I pined for the day you would give me yours.
I said forever and knew it was true.

Then suddenly you saw me and held me to you and I heard your heart beat for me.
I danced in orbit around you.
You were my light and my life.
I said forever and knew it was true.

We planned on forever and knew it was true.
We planted a garden but checked not for the weeds of insecurity and temper.
I stormed off in rages and tears.
Doubting whether your heart beat for me or another.
You were my gravity and drew me back in to your warmth and your strength.
I said forever and knew it was true.

The weeds kept growing in our garden of love choking out the compassion and trust.
Your heart beat more softly.
I stretched the limits of my orbit.
Your heart stopped for me and started again beating a crashing crescendo for a dark eyed girl with secrets.
You took my heart out of your pocket and put it on a shelf with other pretty baubles and trinkets.
But I said forever and knew it was true.

I Said Forever - Part Two

My gravity was gone and I was adrift flailing and failing to find my way.
I drifted in and out of your life on the tide of friendship.
We laughed and talked and warmed our hands over the smoldering ashes of what had been.
But I said forever and knew it was true.

I found a new man and tried to give him my heart but it wasn't mine to give.
I had left it with you.
You married. Had a child.
Then your heart was broken.
You were lost on a stormy sea and drifted back toward me.
I was safety.
I was love.
My heart was still on your shelf.
I went back to hoping to dreaming that your heart could still be mine.
But you kept your heart locked up tight as mine started to collect dust and wear.
I said forever and knew it was true.

I ran. Drove away from the pain and from the warmth of my sun.
Out of sight and out of mind.
I can lead a new life. I can find a new heart of my own.
We grew and we changed and the raging sea became a still pond.
I was drawn to a laugh and a twinkle in the eye.
He made me smile and made me feel feelings I hadn't felt for a long while.
I was drawn slowly to his open face and merry messy life.
When he stroked my hair and kissed me, I felt the echos of what I once had.
I clung to him for the reminder of you.
I woke from the dreaming that he was like you and cried from the loss of it.
Because I said forever and knew it was true.

I thought I'd run far enough.
I thought I was free.
I thought I took back my heart.
I was wrong.
You've long since moved on and found a sweet smile and a mended heart that you want to keep safe always.
But I said forever and knew it was true.

I wish you joy and happiness in all that you do.
It's been a long time since the first day we met.
Half of my lifetime gone by.
I loved you for years, through all of my tears and there is no end in sight.
The first time I looked into your eyes
I said forever and knew it was true.

I wish that it wasn't.
I wish that my heart was mine again to give away as I choose.
But I said forever and my heart said forever and my soul said forever.
So forever it will be.
And though years more will pass and I'll keep trying in vain to prove that I can change my tune.

I said forever and know that it's true.

A Place for my Soul

One day I came upon a beautiful place,
In it's greenery and flowers could be seen God's grace,
Now I trod on a path worn little through the earth,
A place for gaiety, laughter and mirth,
Or a place you retreat to when nothing goes right,
when you come to the pier your heart becomes light.

It is that place that will never leave my mind,
for when I'm sad, this place in my heart I find.
The sparkling water rippling with small sea lives,
the trees by the hill with busy bee hives,
And I sitting quietly alone,
On this scene the sun hath shone.

Nothing could disturb the beauty of nature.

This poem brought to you from a journal from 1991.

I still remember

When days wear me down and push my spirits low,
My memories of that perfect moment steal into my mind,
Walking down to the dock watching the waves so very slow,
The peace of that time there again I will find

The water sparkled under the smiling sun,
my feet dangling in the water confusing the minnows at play,
Soft summer breezes on this day that had barely begun,
my heart was so light on that gentle peaceful day.

No harsh words were spoken,
the silence unbroken,
but for the birds in the trees.

I was alone in my thoughts,
alone in my spot,
there was no one but me.

I laughed at the minnows,
nibbling at my toes,
as I wriggled my feet in the water.

Peace was in my soul,
I felt so whole,
just being nature's daughter.

When day to day life,
is filled with such strife,
pain and regret.

The breeze on my skin,
the  warmth of that day,
I hope I shall never forget.

(This one is brand new.)

Endless time

Every soul needs time to rest between life's many trials,
One has to learn to accept life before facing it as it is,
God bless the ones who have time to think about such things,
for these are those who hold our future in their hands.
Take time to rest or never will you care about things you hardly think about.
Things that are true and right and just.
Time to decide what impact you want to have on society.
Time to consider another's view.
Time to wonder is there a heaven.
Time to question the knowledge of God.
Time to cherish the importance of things.
Time to think about your words before you say them.
Time to write down your thoughts.
Time to love before there is no time left.

(Written 10/18/91)


What is the use of living when all is over and done?
Was each day a lesson learned or should I just have fun?
Is life just some big mistake not even worth the thought?
In my own opinion, No, definitely not.
Is it to see the world before it by man is marred?
Does fate decide what we can do and from what we're barred?
Is it a time for answering questions hard and strange?
Is it meant as a cruel joke to dement and derange?
Is it time for us to sink below the worth of a worm?
On the face of this creation are we but a germ?
Should we fly ever higher higher than the dove?
I think I know the answer. We are here so we can love.

(Written 10/18/91) ( I was 13)


Not only poems are here inside,
Memories also here abide,
Memories and thoughts (oh so deep),
I must awake and cannot sleep,
Inside this book our dreams do lie,
Standing still as time goes by,
These poems may not be very good,
But don't let them be misunderstood.
These poems they did share our mood,
When we did  laugh or when we brood,
These lines of words are who we are,
They're what we wished upon a star,
Maybe childish this writing seems,
but it holds our deepest fears and dreams,
So please do this on our behalf,
Read this book and cry and laugh.

(This was written on 3/4/94 as a addendum to a book of poetry myself, Michelle Hunter and Holly Potter wrote and passed to each other)